To avoid having arguments with your partner you only have dialogue at your disposal. The problem resolves itself sometimes, give it a try. The problem is that sometimes it can seem impossible to recur to use the best tool to avoid conflicts.
I have constant arguments with my partner
If you find yourself having constant arguments with your partner, something is wrong with your relationship. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be you. It may be your partner’s fault, even if you don’t know it. Or it could be both of you.
There are toxic relationships that rely on arguing for their livelihood. It sounds incredible, but that’s the way it is.
There are couples who argue out of jealousy,
The first thing you have to ask yourself is if you want to fix the relationship or if you think it’s hopeless.
Sometimes fighting for the ashes means giving up other fires.
The second thing you have to ask yourself is whether it’s an absurd argument or whether it has any foundation.
If you argue about who chooses the film on Netflix, or who has to walk the dog and that kind of thing, you’re wasting time and energy. It’s a very bad symptom when the arguments happen on a daily basis.
Strong couple’s arguments
Arguing with your partner is normal. If you see a stable couple that never argues and brags about it, they’re lying.
But, as we said before, some arguments are justified and others are not. What is never justified is violence.
If you disagree with someone’s behaviour, you talk about it. If they don’t listen to you, you either accept it or leave it, but resorting to violence (verbal, psychological and, of course, physical) is a failure 100% of the time.
For example, it’s normal to argue about money when you’re running short. Especially if there is a shortage on both sides, but shouting, insults and active or passive aggression are out of place.
That’s why the word “strong” can never go together with “arguments”. It is about talking.
If you’ve reached a point where you can’t talk without raising your voice or without showing respecting for the other, maybe it’s time to break up.
Marital arguments in front of the children
The children – especially the youngest – of a couple should never see their parents argue. It is a source of fear and insecurity for the children and will interfere with their development. Sometimes, if the arguments are strong or there is some kind of violence, it can cause trauma that is very difficult to manage in the future.
| Whatever happens, avoid having an argument in front of your children. If your partner doesn’t care and you see that he wants to argue, stay away from him. Go out for a walk around the block, take a stroll and when the mood has calmed down, come back. Explain that you have done this to avoid the children seeing you arguing. |
Anyway, if you think that your marriage is worth saving, or the relationship you are in is, to do so, you have to avoid arguing at all costs. So here are some tricks.
Tips to avoid arguing
These tips to avoiding arguments and fights would be much more effective if both members were committed to going to couples therapy together, but they are valid in themselves either way. Let’s see
1. Create ways to stop arguments before they start.
If you know that you often argue about silly things, create a sign to recognise this in the moment. The sign can be a simple gesture, a phrase, or a harmless object and say a clarifying phrase, such as “we’re doing it again”.
2. Stop using social media channels to communicate with your partner
WhatsApp conversations can be distorted more quickly than you may think. So use it for displays of affection and for practical things, but never to have an argument.
Moreover, social networks have a perverse effect on us when we argue: by not being present, it makes us more brave and causes us say things just to piss the other off, which we might not usually say.
And it’s not about hurting, but about explaining yourself and being convincing.
3. Debate on the state of the relationship.
To avoid having fights with your girlfriend or spouse, talk from time to time, for no specific reason, about how the relationship is going.
If it’s going well, it will be a pleasant chat, if there are problems it’s better to talk about them in the cold than in the heat of the battle.
| Decisions taken in the heat of the moment are rarely the right ones. |
4. Avoid accusations and reproaches
When you talk about how things are going, avoid accusations and reproaches. That does not mean that it is not advisable to talk about the things that have hurt you in the past. But pay attention to the way you communicate it.
It’s not the same to say “maybe I need a little more space” as “you’re an obsessive controller”, is it?
Remember that no one is forcing you to be with anyone. There are, of course, very manipulative people who tie you down in other ways, but that’s another issue.
5. Analyse previous arguments you’ve had.
Ask your partner to choose an absurd discussion from the past and explain what he felt and thought was happening and do the same later.
This simple exercise in empathy will allow you to put yourself in the other’s shoes.
There is a drawback to this trick and that is that talking about past arguments can lead to you arguing.
You have to analyse them in the spirit of building or rebuilding the bonds that have brought you together. If either of you go in the spirit of accusing, everything can end up in a new argument.
What to do after a lovers’ quarrel?
1. Step away from the conflict and reflect.
There is always a period of calm after the storm, but it is a tense calm. A good idea is to go for a walk and reflect on what happened.
2. Don’t wait for the other person to come and reconcile. Take the initiative.
If you are waiting for the other party to come and reconcile and you would accept it willingly, why wait?
3. Discover how powerful a hug can be.
Sometimes everything is a loop of toxic ideas repeated over and over again and you feel that anything you say can be misinterpreted. Other times, you just don’t know what to say.
It’s okay: sometimes a hug is better than all the couples’ therapies in the world.
4. Be self-critical.
If you think you have no part in the arguments you have with your partner, you are wrong.
If you look at yourself you will surely find things you don’t like, but it is the only way to grow as a person and as a couple.
Accepting that you also do things wrong from time to time, like any human being, is the first step to correct anything.
If nothing has worked and you don’t stop arguing…
…it is better to break up. A relationship based on constant arguments is a first-class ticket to an unhappy life.
Maybe you can find the love of your life in London or Liverpool
Besides, nowadays, thanks to pages like Shag, if you’re single, it’s because you want to be. Maybe you don’t know it but…
Someone is looking for you now.
