Are you in love and have you had the guts to tell them? Congratulations, even if you have been rejected. You are brave. Now you need to use this braveness to get over unrequited love.
“To burn and be silent is the greatest punishment we can inflict on ourselves”.
Blood Weddings, Federico García Lorca.
Sometimes, Cupid flies where he is not required, shoots without looking and, as a result, sticks his arrow in the wrong person.
Thus begins an unrequited love.
Unrequited love is more common when you are a teenager: a period when you form your thoughts about yourself, your identity and about the image of your ideal partner.
Further psychological maturation is associated with the building of long-term relationships in which the image of the partner is completed with some new (and not always attractive) details.
However, some young men and women remain in the world of fantasy for a long time, preferring not to grow up and accept reality as it is.
However, even psychologically mature adults can be confronted with unrequited love and realise how bad it is.
Rejection always hurts in any context, but it hurts even more in a romantic context.
Dreams of happiness with the person you love are shattered. Nobody plans to fall in love with a person who will not reciprocate their feelings, and it is difficult when things do not go as expected.
Romantic rejection not only leaves emotional scars, but can even cause physical pain and even illness.
Research has shown that the distress is so stressful that those who have suffered a recent bereavement, relationship break-up or other psychological trauma of similar calibre have an elevated risk of heart attack, among other ailments.
Our bodies and emotions are closely related to one another.
Still, there are positive things to take away from such an inherently negative situation.
For example: Art. Half of all love songs ever written would never have seen the light of day without a prior rejection of their author. Dante would not have written his Divine Comedy (influencing all subsequent European literature) without the help of his beloved (who was oblivious to him) Beatrice.
In the end, everyone has a limit. No matter how much it helps you to create, in the long run, nobody wants to fall in love with someone who will not love them in return.
In any case, I want to congratulate you on your courage. If you know that your love is not reciprocated it is because you have had the courage to tell him/her. And that is a success in itself.
Think about it. Some people are so shy that they will never know if that person ever loved them. Or worse still, if they could have been the love of their life.
Let’s take a look at some tricks to get over someone who doesn’t love you back.
How to get over unrequited love.
A beautiful woman you fall in love with is hard to forget. I’m not going to lie to you: it’s very complicated, but you can do this.
1. Stop lying to yourself
Stop saying things like the following to yourself: “If I love her enough, she will notice and love me too”. Stop spending your nights recreating her in your head, helping her in every way she needs and saving her from a thousand dangers.
You are not a knight trying to save her life. This is real life.
I’m sorry to be so blunt about it, but someone had to tell you.
2. Dating advice: Don’t idealise her
When we love someone, we tend to idealise them to the point of believing that they are in the same situation as us, that they are a woman looking for a man.
We also focus only on the good things about them, and the bad things seem funny to us.
“How funny so-and-so is, how absent-minded. I’m sure he’s very clever. All geniuses are absent-minded”.
The reality is that an absent-minded person is a source of conflict. Or would you like to discover that your partner has left the keys to the flat at home when you are 3 minutes away from the house? Is a house on fire funny because someone forgot to put out the fire and went down to walk the dog?
So, make an effort and look at the bad things too.
3. Separate yourself from her
With this I mean that you should block her from all social media and stop playing the findable person. Don’t go to the places she frequents, don’t change your route to work just to walk five minutes next to her. Don’t sit next to her in class.
If there is no possibility of separating yourself completely from your loved one, at least put as much distance as possible. For example, by sitting at the other end of the office.
4. Distract yourself
So, you only think about her, but there’s more to the world, isn’t there? What do you like to do in life? And I don’t mean as a couple, I mean things you like to do by yourself.
|If you don’t have a passion in life, getting over an unrequited love becomes more complicated. That’s why you must have, or otherwise, find your passion. You have to try everything until you find something you are passionate about. From that moment on, all losses, absolutely all losses, will be more bearable.|
It doesn’t matter what hobby you are passionate about. If you like collecting stamps, go ahead and buy that rare stamp!
But ideally, you should go for activities that take you out of the house and get you in touch with more people, such as hiking or a passion for animals.
5. Love yourself
I once asked a friend: How would you prefer your child to be narcissistic or with self-esteem problems? He said narcissistic, because at least he wouldn’t suffer so much.
He might be right.
You have to accept yourself as you are. No one is perfect, everyone has monsters in the closet ready to jump out from time to time.
It’s a fact of the human condition. That’s the way we are. That’s why stopping to treat yourself like shit every time you get the chance is a prerequisite for getting over unrequited love and for your mental health in general.
6. Dating a single woman should be your new marital status
I know that dating a single woman isn’t what you want to do when you’re in love with someone who doesn’t love you back, but it’s exactly what you should be doing.
Dating may not work out the way you’d like it to at first, but that’s normal. With a little time, you will start to see the good things about dating different women.
You might even go on a second date with the same woman. Who knows?
There’s nothing like a bit of sex without commitment to forget the person who got into your head without asking permission first.
At least for the duration of the shag.
But hey, at least it’s something.
How to get over unrequited love when there is friendship
Getting over unrequited love when a friendship exists between you and the person you are in love with is extremely difficult.
That’s the truth.
You have two choices. You either put a stop to that friendship or you let time pass and hope things cool down.
Here it also depends on whether your friend knows something or not. And what she does with the information. There are very cruel people who are always baiting to keep the fish on the hook, but they take it out of the water.
They keep it there for fun and because a person who in love is incredibly helpful and will give lots of attention.
And that suits some heartless people very well.
|Never play with other people’s hearts. If you follow this rule you can be sure to have little or no problems in your love life in the long run.|
How to get over an unrequited love? Using the best dating site out there: Shag
Falling in love and not being loved back sucks. But you know what they say: there are plenty of fish in the sea.
That’s why joining a dating site to find friends with benefits can be such a good idea.
Whatever you’re looking for, whatever your sexual preferences and desires about the length of relationships, you’re sure to find someone just like you.
More and more people are joining Shag, the UK’s largest and most active liberal community.
Maybe it’s because it’s free, among other surprises.
Why not check it out?