{"id":723,"date":"2021-05-04T12:53:09","date_gmt":"2021-05-04T12:53:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shag.co.uk\/blog\/?p=723"},"modified":"2026-10-04T16:54:33","modified_gmt":"2026-10-04T16:54:33","slug":"drive-woman-crazy-in-bed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shag.co.uk\/blog\/drive-woman-crazy-in-bed\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Talk About Sex With a New Partner: Clear, Comfortable Conversations"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Talking about sex with a new partner is often more useful than trying to guess what they want. You do not need a polished speech or a catalogue of questions. You need space for both people to say what they want, what they do not want and what they are unsure about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The sexual health charity <a href=\"https:\/\/www.brook.org.uk\/your-life\/talking-about-sex\/\">Brook recommends discussing desires, boundaries and consent<\/a> because preferences differ between individuals. You cannot infer somebody\u2019s preferences from their personality, appearance or the fact that they use a casual dating website.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"union\"><p>FIND PEOPLE NEAR YOU<\/p><\/div><form class=\"registerForm\" id=\"register\" method=\"GET\" action=\"https:\/\/shag.co.uk\/dashboard\"><input type=\"hidden\" name=\"s1\" value=\"blog_shag\" \/><div><div class=\"form-group\"><label for=\"i_am\" >I'm a<\/label><select name=\"sex_seeking\" class=\"form-control\" aria-invalid=\"false\"><option value=\"male-female\">Man looking for women<\/option><option value=\"male-male\">Man looking for men\/option><option value=\"female-male\">Woman looking for men<\/option><option value=\"female-female\">Woman looking for women<\/option><\/select><\/div><div class=\"form-group\"><label for=\"province_id\">Location<\/label><select name=\"country_id\" class=\"form-control selectCountry\" id=\"select_country_id\" style=\"display: none\"><option value=\"13\" selected=\"\">UK<\/option><\/select><select name=\"province_id\" class=\"form-control\"><option value=\"476\">East Midlands - England<\/option><option value=\"477\">East Of England<\/option><option value=\"478\" selected>London<\/option><option value=\"479\">North East England<\/option><option value=\"480\">North West England<\/option><option value=\"481\">Northern Ireland<\/option><option value=\"482\">Scotland<\/option><option value=\"483\">South East England<\/option><option value=\"484\">South West England<\/option><option value=\"485\">Wales<\/option><option value=\"486\">West Midlands - England<\/option><option value=\"487\">Yorkshire &amp; The Humber - England<\/option><\/select><\/div><div id=\"getMessage\" class=\"getMessage\"><p class=\"boton\" style=\"margin-top:20px\"><button type=\"submit\" name=\"register\" class=\"btn\">JOIN NOW<\/button><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/form>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Start before either person feels put on the spot<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Choose a private moment when you can talk without rushing. Ask whether the subject is welcome: \u201cWould you be comfortable talking about expectations before we meet again?\u201d If they would prefer another time, agree when to return to it or keep your plans within boundaries you already understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A first conversation can be short. You might simply explain that you prefer to take things slowly, that you do not expect a date to lead to sex, or that you want to discuss protection before any intimacy. Avoid turning the conversation into an invitation they feel obliged to accept.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Use questions that leave room for an honest answer<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead of \u201cYou would be up for that, right?\u201d, try \u201cHow do you feel about that?\u201d Instead of guessing what a previous partner\u2019s experience means, ask about the person in front of you. They do not need to describe past experiences to justify a present boundary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Useful opening lines include: \u201cIs there anything you would like me to know before we get closer?\u201d, \u201cWhat would make this feel more comfortable?\u201d and \u201cIs there anything you would rather not discuss today?\u201d Share your own boundaries too, so one person is not doing all the explaining.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Discuss health and privacy as practical matters<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Make room to talk about condoms or other barriers, contraception where relevant and STI testing. If either of you is unsure about appropriate tests or timing, a sexual health service can advise. A conversation is not a substitute for accurate health information or an agreed precaution.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can also be specific about privacy: \u201cI do not want intimate photos taken or shared.\u201d A private conversation or message does not become content for friends or social media. Ask before sending sexual messages or images; a dating match is not permission.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For information about accessing care, see the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nhs.uk\/live-well\/sexual-health\/visiting-an-sti-clinic\/\">NHS guide to sexual health clinics<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Treat feedback as information, not a rating<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>If someone says they are uncomfortable, pause and listen rather than explaining why you thought they would enjoy it. A simple \u201cThanks for telling me\u201d keeps the discussion clear. You can give feedback without comparing them with an ex or attaching a label to their personality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Afterwards, if you both want to talk, try \u201cWas there anything you would want us to do differently next time?\u201d rather than asking for a score. Nobody needs to deliver a glowing review to protect the other person\u2019s confidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A conversation does not create permanent permission<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Brook emphasises that consent must continue throughout an encounter: agreement to one thing does not cover everything, and anyone can stop. An earlier conversation is useful context, not a contract. Check again when circumstances or plans change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Avoid treating silence, passivity or a physical response as a yes. If you are unsure, stop and ask. A partner who needs time to answer should not have to defend that pause or reassure you that you have done nothing wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">When your preferences do not match<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>You can discover a difference without making it a problem to solve through persuasion. If something is a firm boundary for one person, the other can decide whether the remaining arrangement works for them. Unwanted intimacy is not a compromise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep the broader expectations clear too. Enjoying an encounter does not automatically establish exclusivity or commitment. Our guide to <a href=\"https:\/\/shag.co.uk\/blog\/shag-dating-secrets\/\">casual dating boundaries<\/a> covers those separate agreements.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"union\"><p>FIND PEOPLE NEAR YOU<\/p><\/div><form class=\"registerForm\" id=\"register\" method=\"GET\" action=\"https:\/\/shag.co.uk\/dashboard\"><input type=\"hidden\" name=\"s1\" value=\"blog_shag\" \/><div><div class=\"form-group\"><label for=\"i_am\" >I'm a<\/label><select name=\"sex_seeking\" class=\"form-control\" aria-invalid=\"false\"><option value=\"male-female\">Man looking for women<\/option><option value=\"male-male\">Man looking for men\/option><option value=\"female-male\">Woman looking for men<\/option><option value=\"female-female\">Woman looking for women<\/option><\/select><\/div><div class=\"form-group\"><label for=\"province_id\">Location<\/label><select name=\"country_id\" class=\"form-control selectCountry\" id=\"select_country_id\" style=\"display: none\"><option value=\"13\" selected=\"\">UK<\/option><\/select><select name=\"province_id\" class=\"form-control\"><option value=\"476\">East Midlands - England<\/option><option value=\"477\">East Of England<\/option><option value=\"478\" selected>London<\/option><option value=\"479\">North East England<\/option><option value=\"480\">North West England<\/option><option value=\"481\">Northern Ireland<\/option><option value=\"482\">Scotland<\/option><option value=\"483\">South East England<\/option><option value=\"484\">South West England<\/option><option value=\"485\">Wales<\/option><option value=\"486\">West Midlands - England<\/option><option value=\"487\">Yorkshire &amp; The Humber - England<\/option><\/select><\/div><div id=\"getMessage\" class=\"getMessage\"><p class=\"boton\" style=\"margin-top:20px\"><button type=\"submit\" name=\"register\" class=\"btn\">JOIN NOW<\/button><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/form>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">If talking feels difficult<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>You can acknowledge it: \u201cThis feels a bit awkward, but I would rather ask than assume.\u201d You might prefer a brief message to start the conversation, then talk in person when you both have time. Do not send intimate details somewhere the recipient has not agreed to discuss them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If anxiety keeps getting in the way, our <a href=\"https:\/\/shag.co.uk\/blog\/sexual-anxiety\/\">sexual performance anxiety guide<\/a> explains routes to professional support. A respectful partner does not need you to perform confidence; they need to hear and respect your answer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div class=\"tmnf_excerpt clearfix\"><p>Talking about sex with a new partner is often more useful than trying to guess what they want. You do not need a polished speech or a catalogue of questions. You need space for both people to say what they want, what they do not want and what they are unsure about. The sexual health &hellip;<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":727,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-723","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sex"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Talk About Sex With a New Partner | Shag<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Learn how to talk about sex with a new partner: opening the conversation, discussing boundaries and protection, giving feedback and respecting different preferences.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/shag.co.uk\/blog\/drive-woman-crazy-in-bed\/\" \/>\n<meta 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