Is an emotional affair the same as infidelity without that adjective? We tend to think of infidelity as something sexual, whether it’s a one-night stand, cybersex, or a fling over time.
But in committed love relationships, “cheating” isn’t always about a sexual encounter, a secret flirtation, or an erotic online event. Basically, it’s about breaking trust.
The emotional affair is not about liking someone and that’s it. That happens to everyone from time to time. Feeling the emotion is not enough for the infidelity to be fulfilled.
The difference – and it is abysmal – is the action.
Western Christian thought does not make that difference -you know, impure thoughts, guilt, etc- and it is a scourge for people’s freedom.
The problem is establishing what an action is. For some, secretly talking on Facebook with someone is infidelity, while for others it is only when it comes to something carnal.
How to forgive emotional cheating
It depends on each person but, as a basis, an emotional affair cannot be forgiven because there is nothing to forgive.
The other day I was on the subway and there was one of those sparkling moments, a meeting of glances that was like a duel between swordsmen. Well, that’s how it seemed to me. Maybe her mind was in Honolulu, but it works the same for the example.
The thing is, I thought, shall I tell you something? And if…? From there everything, in my head, was like the best romantic comedy in the history of cinema.
Then I got home and had dinner with my wife as usual. I didn’t tell her anything, what for? But if I had told, there would be nothing to forgive.
Now, if by emotional affair we mean talking secretly with someone through social networks, things change.
That breach of trust is hard to repair.
Is a virtual relationship infidelity?
It is completely different if someone starts fooling around on Facebook or another social network, or starts sending WhatsApp messages with their co-worker on a Sunday in secret.
So when asked, is a virtual relationship infidelity? The answer is yes.
That can’t be called an emotional affair and that’s it. It is a euphemism, like in the news, when some enlightened person says “energy poverty”.
Having to choose between heating your house or buying food is poverty. And that’s it.
The same thing happens with infidelity. It is almost worse for a person to secretly talk to a person for months and tell them their problems, fears, insecurities, hopes and everything else, instead of talking to their partner, than the fact that they get drunk one night and have sex in the bathroom of a nightclub with a stranger that they will never see again in their life.
Emotional affair in person
Can you have an emotional affair in person? As unbelievable as it may seem, flirting a little with your co-worker or the supermarket cashier is less dangerous than doing it on social media.
Social networks have a perverse effect on people: since they don’t see each others faces, they become emboldened and often bring out their instincts.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a political discussion or if you’re talking to someone you like physically. After a while, things will get out of hand.
On the other hand, it is impossible, because it is inappropriate, to talk about sex with the cashier at a supermarket or with the waitress at the bar.
Is an emotional affair real love?
Not necessarily. An emotional affair can imply intense and deep feelings of connection and emotional attraction between two people, but it does not always mean that there is true love.
In a true love relationship, there is a deep emotional connection, a strong compatible relationship, and a mutual commitment to build a life together. On the other hand, in an emotional affair, there can be attraction and emotional connection, but there is no mutual commitment and the relationship can be more superficial and focused on satisfying the emotional needs of each person.
Therefore, although an emotional affair can be intense and passionate, it does not necessarily mean that it is true love and usually ends up being bored in a relationship. Each person must carefully assess their feelings and the circumstances of the relationship before making important decisions.
How to overcome emotional cheating
To overcome emotional cheating you only have one tool, from which all the others emanate. Love is the only thing that can make you overcome an emotional affair, sorry for the pleonasm.
Seriously, saying an emotional affair is like saying a book bookstore. I mean if it’s just something physical it’s not infidelity?
You can also read: How to get over a break up
It is that it is almost never something only physical. And it will depend on the people who are going through that trance how to qualify it.
If my wife came home one day saying that she had sex in a disco with a stranger, it would hurt me, it would scare me, I would have insecurities, but I would not consider it infidelity.
First, because she told me, second, because there are no feelings involved.
It would be like her telling me that she’s been watching pornography or something. Now, if you tell me that you are about to meet men every weekend…. that’s another thing.
Hollywood cinema, moreover, has done a lot of damage in this regard with those romantic comedies where, even after the weddings, in the middle of their honeymoon, things happen that put marriages to the test.
Well, contrary to what it may seem, puritanism invades all those movies.
Emotional affair in marriage
Ah, marriage, that thing that makes everything change radically and your life becomes something expected and conventional… right?
Well no, it isn’t. Marriage today does not change anything. If your life was boring and conventional, it will continue to be so after you are married. And if it was the opposite, getting married will not make your previous life disappear.
Seriously, does being married change anything if your partner is secretly talking on social media with an old partner?
Wouldn’t it hurt the same without being married?
The way to forgive an emotional affair while married is the same as without being married: with love.
If you love, forgiving is painful, but it’s the only way to heal a wound. Forgiveness is the disinfectant of the soul.
You should talk to your partner, without arguing, and see if they have been feeling lonely in the relationship or what the problem has been.
And from there begin to rebuild the damaged trust.
Shag: be unfaithful if you want
At Shag we do not encourage infidelity, but it is clear that it is a powerful tool for it.
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Each person is different and has their reasons for doing what they do and we are not here to judge others, so whether you have a partner or not, this is your page.
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