Why can’t I find a partner?

Written by Rosie Brooks Tips for flirting

find a partner

Are you single and do you want to meet someone to date and shag, or are you looking for something stable? Do you find it hard to find a partner? 

When someone has difficulty finding a love affair, it is easy to become discouraged and buy into the false beliefs and destructive myths about relationships.

The life of a bachelor offers many rewards, such as being free to pursue your own interests, learning to enjoy your own company and appreciating the quiet moments of loneliness. 

But if you feel ready to meet women and want to build a lasting and valuable relationship, life as a bachelor can also be frustrating.

For many of us, our emotional baggage and personality make finding the right partner difficult. 

Perhaps you grew up in a house where there was no role model when it came to solid, healthy relationships and wondered if such a thing existed.

Or maybe your love story consists only of short casual relationships and you don’t know how to make a relationship last

Maybe you’re attracted to the wrong person or you’re making the same bad decisions over and over again because of an unsolved problem from your past. 

You may not be going to the best places (either on a website to find people to shag with nearby or in the real life on the street) to meet the right person or when you do, you may not feel sure enough about yourself.

What is a healthy relationship?

A healthy relationship is when two people build a connection based on:

  1. Mutual respect
  2. Trust
  3. Honesty
  4. Support
  5. Equality
  6. Separate identities
  7. Good communication
  8. Sense of joy / affection
how to have a relationship

Re-evaluate your misconceptions about how to pick up a women and how to have a relationship

The first step in finding love is to re-evaluate some of the misconceptions about picking up women and having a relationship that may be preventing you from finding lasting love.

Common myths about meeting women and the search for love


I can only be happy and fulfilled if I am in a relationship. It’s better to have a bad relationship than no relationship at all.


While there are health benefits to having a strong relationship, many people can be equally happy and fulfilled without having a partner. 

Despite the stigma in some social circles that accompanies being single, it is important not to enter a relationship just to ‘fit in’. Being single and being single by choice are not the same thing. 

And nothing is as unhealthy and discouraging as being in a toxic relationship.


If I’m not instantly attracted to someone, it’s not a relationship worth pursuing.


This is an important myth to dispel, especially if you have a history of making bad decisions. Instant sexual attraction and lasting love do not necessarily go hand in hand. Emotions can change and deepen over time, and friends sometimes become lovers.

Myth :

Women have different emotions than men.


Women and men feel similar things, but sometimes express their feelings differently, often according to the conventions of society. But both men and women experience the same core emotions such as sadness, anger, fear and joy.


True love is constant or physical attraction fades over time.

physical attraction to find a partner


Love is rarely static, but that doesn’t mean that love or physical attraction is destined to fade away over time. 

As we age, both men and women have fewer sex hormones, but emotions often influence passion more than hormones, and sexual passion can become stronger over time.


I’ll be able to change the things I don’t like about someone.


You can’t change anyone. People only change when they want to change.

Expectations about dating and love

When we start looking for a long-term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of often unrealistic expectations

How, for example, the other person should behave, how the relationship should progress and the roles that each partner should fulfil. 

These expectations may be based on your family history, the influence of your group of friends, your past experiences or even the ideals portrayed in films and television programmes

Maintaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any couple seem inadequate and any new relationship disappointing.

Casual relationships or a stable partner? Consider what is really important

Distinguish between what you want and what you need from a partner.

Wishes are negotiable, necessities are not.

Wishes include things like what you would like them to do for a living, their intellectual level and physical attributes such as height, weight and hair colour.

Even if some qualities seem of crucial importance at the start, with time you will often discover that you are unnecessarily limiting your options.

For example, it can be more important to find someone who:

Who is more curious than intelligent .

Curious people tend to become more intelligent over time, whilst those who are brilliant can languish intellectually if they lack curiosity.

Affectionate rather than very hot.

A beautiful person who does not express emotions stops being beautiful very quickly.

Joyful instead of right.

What do you prefer? Living surrounded by luxury and being miserable, or having a normal life with respect to money but it being full of happiness. It’s quite obvious.

what is right for you

To know what is important you have to ask yourself what is right for you.

When looking for the right partner for you, you are actually looking for a lasting love. That’s why you have to forget what’s politically correct – especially for the people around you who have an opinion on your life – and ask yourself: 

Do I feel it is right?

A few tips if you are looking for the definitive woman

Relativize the desire to find a partner

Don’t let the search for a partner be the centre of your life. Concentrate on the activities you enjoy: your career, your hobbies, your relationships with family and friends.

When you concentrate on being happy, you will maintain a balanced life and you will become a more interesting person for when you meet someone special.

Remember that first impressions are not always reliable, especially when it comes to dating online. 

It always takes time to really get to know a person and you have to experience being with someone in a wide variety of situations to know what they are like. For example, how does this person cope under pressure when things are not going well or when they are tired, frustrated or hungry?

Be honest about your own defects

Everyone has defects, and to make a relationship last, your partner has to love you for who you are, not for who they would like you to be.

Additionally, what you consider to be a defect can really be something that someone else finds peculiar and attractive.

Flirting with women can be stressful, but it is the first step to find someone.

The game of love can be stressful. It is natural to worry about whether you look handsome when you are on a date, or if the person will like you or not. But it doesn’t matter how shy you are, you can overcome your nerves and forge a great connection.

focus on what is going on externally

On dates with women: focus on what is going on externally, not on what is going on internally

Imagine that you’ve got a date from Shag for this weekend. To combat your nerves, focus your attention on what your date says and does and what’s going on around you, rather than on your inner thoughts. 

Remaining fully present in the moment will help you stop thinking about worries and insecurities.

The best tool for dating women

Well, what are you waiting for to join Shag for free? Are you looking for extra-marital relationships? Are you thinking about cybersex? Would you like to simply get into a friends with benefits relationship? Shag has room for everyone! We are talking about the largest community of liberal people in England. 

I don’t know if you’re aware, but…

Someone is looking for you now.

Why can’t I find a partner?
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Why can’t I find a partner?
Are you single and do you want to meet someone to date and shag, or are you looking for something stable? Do you find it hard to find a partner?
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