Meet women on Shag is easy. What isn’t so easy is going out with single mums. Learn 8 essential tricks to do it right.
According to the National Institute of Statistics, 95% of single parent families are made up of single mothers. And as more people decide to form non-traditional families or, better said, they don’t mind doing so, they increase their chances of meeting a single woman with a child.
So, from the Shag blog, the biggest dating site in England we want you to follow this advice.
FIND PEOPLE NEAR YOU
1. Accept that you’ll never come first
Accept that you’ve hooked up with a woman that has someone who is fully dependent on her. A baby grew inside of her, she gave birth, she fed him/her and she’s cared for him/her every step of the way.
And you’re the guy she’s just met. Who do you think she’s going to choose if she has to? That’s not to say she’ll push you to one side over every decision, but your ego must be sufficiently strong to be able to share her attention.
Don’t ever put her in the position of – it’s me or the kid – If you constantly put her to this test you’ll be digging your own grave.
With a retro digger.
2. First date with a woman with kids. Be flexible about changes
Hooking up with and meeting real women is something many people aspire to, and if you’ve managed to do it and she’s got a kid, be ready for plans changing. Even on the first or second date.
Whether it’s a baby, a seven-year-old girl or a teenager, things can change at the last second. Day in the park? No, the baby’s ill. A first date in a romantic restaurant at 9? The babysitter called saying she can’t make it. Weekend away in a cosy cottage? Her son was just caught stealing at the shopping centre.
You were also a child, you know what it means. Having a child is like living on a rollercoaster. It’s up and down and rarely calm.
It’s best to make open plans. If you cope well with the interruptions and cancellations you’ll score a lot of points with her.
If that’s what you want, of course. In the end at Shag you can meet new people every day.
But of course, nobody chooses who they fall in love with. At any age.
3. Don’t pressure her to meet the kid
Maybe you met her with her child, or maybe you’ve only seen her in photos on the contacts page.
Whatever, just because you’ve managed to go on a date or two with her, doesn’t mean you have gained the right to meet her child.
Being the child of a single mum is complicated, often confusing and a mother’s work (apart from her day job) is to try to keep her child happy.
It can be psychologically negative for a child to meet a paternal figure that might disappear and be replaced by another one every now and again.
Because of this many mothers are jealous when it comes to taking this step.
She’ll know when it’s the right moment.
If you’ve been going out for a while that changes things. She’ll probably be pleased if you tell her you’d like to meet her kid. But without pressurizing her.
Putting pressure is the worst thing you can do. And it never works.
4. Make your plans with her but count on the kid joining you
Imagine that you want to go to a festival in the summer with your partner for the weekend. There’s a few bands you’re dying to see and you’ve managed to arrange for the kid to stay with his/her cousins.
Great, enjoy the weekend but always keep the kid in mind. Buy things he’ll/she’ll like for when you go home, encourage her to call occasionally and don’t do anything to stop her going back immediately in the case of an emergency.
If you do all of this you’re showing her that you’re a great guy.
5. Know more about Paw Patrol than Game of Thrones
Even for singles, there’s too much good telly out there to be up to date with everything.
There’s only 24 hours in a day and, if you have a young child, the TV hours are filled with Paw Patrol, Dora the Explorer or Monster High.
Not only is she not going to oblige the little one to watch The Mountain crushing Oberyn’s head with his own hands, but any TV program on after 9pm is like midnight for a single mother.
After playing with her daughter, washing her, feeding her, putting her to bed, cleaning the kitchen, reading her a story because she can’t get to sleep, singing to her and having a shower after she’s gone to sleep, the last thing she wants is to stay up late watching someone kill a child, even if Joffrey is a sadistic imbecile.
6. Meeting new people: She can have trust issues, so go slowly.
If she’s a single mum, it’s highly likely she didn’t imagine her life would be the way it is. Perhaps the dad left, maybe they got divorced, or maybe she’s a widow. So it might be difficult for her to meet new people.
Whatever the case, she trusted someone completely with one of the most important events in her life, and this trust was broken, even if it was destiny that robbed her of her husband.
There’s two parts to this. The first part is that you need to be kind and take things calmly. The second is that you must be trustworthy.
The way to be trustworthy is clear: act like a man. That is, in reality, the solution to almost all problems.
7. Meet women who are single mothers: She may not be looking for a father for her child.
Many men, or perhaps their friends, say that this is the biggest trick in a single man’s life.
“Man, she’s just looking for a father for her son, so she won’t have to work so much!”
This, in general, is incorrect. Single mothers also want to have sex lives, hook up with guys and meet new people on Shag.
If, maybe, later on, you might be a good father for her child. But that’s not what she’s looking for right now.
In the 21st century it’s possible that you’re fling and the father of her child get on fine, so it’s likely that the child doesn’t need another father. It could simply be that she likes spending time with you.
She could even be using you to have sex with no commitments. Something that hasn’t happened since she became a mother and something that she’s been wanting since she signed up to a free dating site.
8. Be aware she’s a woman and sexual being like everyone else
Many men think about women along a single dichotomy: or she’s very sexual or not at all. But things aren’t as simple as that. Women aren’t either virgins or whores. Obviously there’s a large scale in between.
Normally, for a man, meeting women with children means seeing mothers: people are tender and caring, and, in the case that they want sex, it means she’s tacky and very easy. It’s true there are women like that but thinking that all single mothers are like that is an enormous falsehood.
Single mothers are sexual beings like every other man or woman. It’s possible that she likes to have harder sex, like what you see in a hard porn film. Things that you don’t normally relate to a mother.
Don’t confuse maternity with sexual appetite. Besides, it’s possible that she hasn’t had a lot of sex in recent years, so she might be anxious and emotional at returning to things she used to do at University.
At best the only thing she wants from you is a friend with benefits. In the end you’ve met her on a dating site. Although it’s true that there are many long-lasting relationships that have come from meeting on our website, but the majority are sporadic.
Be considerate and listen. You’ll do fine!
Going out with a mum will be more complicated than other relationships you’ve had in the past but could also be more gratifying and have more potential surprises. You just have to approach it in a different way.
We’re certain that for many of our 30-40-year-old readers, this idea could be more attractive than starting from scratch, going through pregnancy, nappies, temper tantrums and nights of insomnia.
Simply don’t make assumptions, tread slowly and carefully.
Shag the most active free dating site in the UK
For everything else, if all fails, if at the end of the journey you discover that you don’t like the responsibility of going out with a single mum, don’t worry, it’s pretty unlikely you’ll find someone like that on Shag, the most visited dating site in the UK.
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