“Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.” Friendship between men and women
This quote, from the movie When Harry Met Sally, could summarize the entire article. Or maybe another from Balzac.
“No one becomes a woman’s friend if he can be her lover.“
But it’s not that simple.
A big part of the reason we haven’t definitively answered this question yet is that it’s a relatively new one.
For most of human history, men and women basically lived in separate worlds until they got married, meaning that generally men only spent time with other men and women only spent time with other women.
Even after marriage, men and women for the most part continued to have distinct and separate social lives: men spent their days hunting in primitive times, and at work or in male-only universities in more modern times. Meanwhile, the women stayed back in the camp or at home and hung out with their friends.
In fact, it was not until the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries that friendships between the sexes began to emerge.
As more and more women began to study and work, the two sexes had more opportunities to become friends.
What does science say about friendship between a man and a woman?
Several studies have been done on this issue, but perhaps the most interesting is the most recent one. Carried out in Norway and published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology, where they showed that men tend to see more signs of sexual interest from women towards them than women actually send them.
So no, young man, the girl at the bar is not touching her hair because she wants to have sex with you.
The opposite also happens: mature women see men as less interested in them than we really are.
At this point things get a little awkward. With this level of misunderstanding about the other party, how is there going to be friendship between men and women?
There is no categorical answer to that question.
In childhood it is easy to have a genuine, sincere friendship between the sexes, in adolescence too, but when the time of sexual awakening comes, things start to get complicated. Quite a lot.
Of course in large groups of people there can be friendships between men and women. You just have to see any gathering to understand.
So, when asked if there can be friendship between a girl and a boy, the only answer is; it depends.
How to strengthen the friendship between a man and a woman?
To strengthen the bonds of friendship between a man and a woman, the main things are trust and communication. Exactly the same as a friendship between members of the same sex.
And then, of course, abide by some rules.
1) Never cross the line beyond friendship, as it can often lead to a point of no return.
2) If you know that your friend has feelings for you, never take advantage of them.
3) Don’t give in to physical attraction without knowing it could change your friendship forever.
4) Do not give in to the social pressure of others saying “they have something there for sure.”
The main problem is that it is not known whether, in general, we are able to follow these rules.
The fact that men see more signs of flirting than actually exist when interacting with a woman could be an evolutionary fact. One way – yet another – that nature has created to perpetuate the species.
Benefits of having a friend of the opposite sex
When you have a friend of the opposite sex, when you really, truly have a friendship with a woman, you manage to unlock a whole world that was out of your reach.
A female friend can advise you on what other girls like, or a specific type of girl – the one who has caught your eye- to help you win her over.
Or she can give you her opinion and advice on what to do about, for example, the emotional affair that you just accidentally discovered using your partner’s phone.
You just have to look at the society in which we live and think with a bit of logic to understand that friendship between men and women is possible, but not too common.
So if you are lucky enough to have a friendship like that, keep it. It can be as valuable as finding a partner.
Friends with benefits: the evolution of friendship
On the other hand, there is a third option which transcends what both a romantic relationship means – if that even exists – and also a friendship.
When you have a friend with benefits relationship you have something very valuable, because you have the best of both worlds.
On the one hand, they are your friend, in the same way as any other person with whom you are friends. You are there when she needs you – and vice versa – and the time you spend together is enjoyable for both of you.
Alongside that, you can have sex when you feel like it, but without any emotional involvement and without any kind of “contract” of permanence.
I don’t know about you, but it seems like an almost perfect relationship to me.
Shag: the web of contacts that shows that friendship between men and women is possible
It doesn’t matter what you are looking for really, but our platform specialises in connecting people who want friends with benefits type of relationship.
People who are looking for sex without commitment and, at the same time, someone with whom they can go to the cinema from time to time, or have a drink, or a rural getaway.
The diversity of the Shag community is astounding. Here we all fit in.
From people who are looking to come out of the closet, or who have moved and do not know anyone in their new city, to liberal couples who want to have a threesome, to people who just want to talk online and maybe have a little cybersex.
That’s why we have a million unique monthly visitors.
Well, that, and because joining is completely free.
That too.
