10 Sexual fantasies women have (but probably won’t admit they’re having)

Written by Rosie Brooks Sex


Women have just as many common sexual fantasies as men, that’s a fact, but even nowadays, in the 21st century, it’s still taboo. Let’s change this. 

Having sexual fantasies is part of being human. They begin at puberty and accompany us for the rest of our lives.  And, despite popular belief, women have the same amount of fantasies as men, just in a different way. 

Fun fact: sexual fantasies are more intense and recurrent in shy people.

If you act on it, it is no longer a fantasy

Sexual fantasies, by definition, belong to the world of our imagination. Here, we imagine situations that excite us. However, they are not necessarily the same when the time comes to put them into practice. 

On many occasions, these fantasies are in contrast with the moral values of the person who has them. Hence, crossing this barrier between imagination and reality would only have a paradoxical deterrent effect

Don’t confuse sexual desire with sexual fantasy

It is a common mistake to confuse a sexual fantasy with sexual desire, as both belong to the same context: sex. 

The difference is that in the former a person is aroused by a fictitious situation and in the latter it is the anticipation of a real situation that causes the arousal.

The 10 most common sexual fantasies women have

1. Being dominated

These fantasies range from being restrained to some of the most extreme aspects of sexual domination, including BDSM and rape. Domination is very exciting for many women.

But like many fantasies, this is not necessarily a reflection of what they desire in real life. According to psychologists there should be no confusion about the roles we play in our daily and sexual lives. Wanting to be dominated is a release of stress, the relinquishing of power, the sexual yin to the professional yang, if you will.

2. Being in control

Being in control is also a common fantasy. Enjoying both being dominant and dominated is known as “switching” in the BDSM world and shows that there are no strict rules to our sexual imagination.

Many women are docile and subservient in their everyday life but have fantasies where they are in control. These usually involve all the stereotypical things associated with them such as stilettos, latex and leather materials, handcuffs, whips, etc.

women's sexual fantasies

3. Sex with a stranger

Sex with a complete stranger is daring and exciting in the imagination of millions of women around the world. 

The reality? A stranger is probably more likely to give you an STD or take you in the back of a van than give you any excitement, but there’s nothing wrong with the thought.

4. Sex for money

Whether it is a room full of men shoving 50-dollar notes into the person’s panties or the literal exchange of money for sex, becoming a sexual ‘object’ removes all emotion from the act and, as a consequence, can be arousing. 

A sexual fantasy where there is an exchange of money is about exploring dominance and submission, which are intriguing to many people. It is the stigma around sex work that makes this fantasy all the more appealing.

5. Sex with someone you shouldn’t

While most of us women follow a strict code when it comes to keeping your hands off your best friend’s boyfriend, in reality, having sex with someone you shouldn’t is a common fantasy.

I’d venture to say that 3 out of 4 women fantasise about sleeping with the wrong person, even though they know that if they did, it would lead to a break-up or at the very least, a period of major arguments with their partner.

6. The authoritarian figure

Who hasn’t fantasised about sleeping with their teacher? And with a military or police officer?  Well, that’s just it. 

Freud said that sexual fantasies with a figure of authority as a central element are caused by unresolved problems with the father. 

Fortunately Freud, today, has been superseded. His contribution to psychology and philosophy has been vital, but nobody believes his interpretation of dreams anymore, nor his interpretation of many aspects of sexuality.

7. Roleplay

Pretending to be someone you’re not and acting out a scene is borderline fantasy, because many couples actually do this for real. They use erotic costumes to pretend to be a French maid, a policeman or a nurse and act out a situation that suddenly becomes sexual.

most common sexual fantasies

8. Lesbian sex

Having sex with a woman is a part of many women’s fantasies, and it does not mean that they are actually lesbian.  

What it does indicate is that they have an inquisitive mind.  

This fantasy is better accepted by women than by men who, for some reason, see it as an attack on their heterosexuality to have such fantasies and generally reject them or, at best, live them out privately.

9. Group sex

Although adult group gatherings are becoming increasingly popular, most people never have the opportunity to try this fantasy in real life and still enjoy the experience in their imagination. 

The group sex fantasy is particularly common among women who have not had many sexual partners and may not have had long-term relationships.

10. Watching or being watched

The adrenaline that comes from the fear of being caught when watching others in their most exposed and intimate state can certainly be exhilarating. 

Similarly, the idea of having sex with someone in a public place, with the risk of being caught, can be exhilarating, and although for many it would be a nightmare to be caught having sex in the cinema, it’s okay to dream.

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Common sexual fantasies women have
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Common sexual fantasies women have
Women have as many sexual fantasies as men, but even nowadays, in the 21st century, it is still taboo. Do you want to change this? Read on.
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