Sexting means exchanging sexual messages or intimate images digitally. This guide is for adults aged 18 and over and focuses on consent, privacy and support. Choosing not to share intimate content is always an option, including with someone you like or have met through a dating site.
No app, disappearing-message setting or promise from another person can make sharing intimate material risk-free. You can take precautions, but you cannot fully control what a recipient does with a message once it reaches them.
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Agree before the conversation becomes intimate
Ask whether the other person wants that kind of conversation and whether it is a suitable time. A simple “Are you comfortable with a more intimate conversation?” gives them room to choose without receiving unexpected content.
Consent to messages does not automatically include images, recordings, saving files or sharing them with anyone else. Discuss boundaries and respect a change of mind. Silence, a previous exchange or being on a casual dating site does not replace agreement.
If there is any uncertainty that everyone involved is an adult, stop. Do not request or share intimate images involving anyone under 18. Do not pressure someone to prove interest by sending material, and do not keep asking after a refusal.
Understand what privacy settings cannot do
Disappearing messages may reduce what remains in a chat history, but they do not guarantee that a recipient has kept no copy. Signal’s own guidance explicitly warns that someone can use another camera to record a screen before a message disappears.
Encryption also does not decide what the recipient does with content after receiving it. Be cautious of claims that an app can make copying impossible or that a dating service verifies everyone well enough to remove this risk.
Shag should not be treated as a guarantee that a stranger is trustworthy or that intimate material cannot be misused. Take time to know the person and do not share anything because you feel hurried, guilty or obliged.
Review your own devices and identifying details
Check notification previews, shared devices, linked accounts and automatic photo backups. Read the current settings and support guidance for the services you use; defaults and features can differ between apps and devices.
An image can identify someone through a face, distinctive feature, background or associated account information. Removing a detail may reduce exposure, but it does not create anonymity or undo the risk of a copy being shared. Do not let a checklist create a false sense of certainty.
Protect accounts with strong, unique passwords and available additional sign-in protection. These steps help protect account access; they do not make an untrustworthy recipient safe. If you prefer not to send images, you do not owe a substitute.
Respect material you receive
Do not forward, show, upload or use another person’s intimate content without their explicit permission. Permission to receive it is not permission to keep or distribute it. Do not put it into an AI tool or an image-editing service without their informed agreement.
If someone asks you to stop or remove material you hold, respect that request. A breakup or disagreement does not change the need to respect their privacy. If you have been sent unwanted content, you can end the conversation and use the service’s reporting options.
If someone threatens to share an image
The Revenge Porn Helpline’s sextortion guidance advises against paying or meeting demands. Preserve relevant evidence such as threatening messages, account details and payment requests where you can safely do so, then stop contact, block and report the account. The abuse is not your fault.
You can report threats to police on 101; call 999 if someone is in immediate danger. The Revenge Porn Helpline supports adults affected by intimate image abuse. Use its current website guidance for help with your situation.
StopNCII.org is another option for eligible adults who still have the relevant images. It creates digital fingerprints on your device and shares those fingerprints with participating companies; the images themselves stay on your device. Check its eligibility rules. It is not a way to remove material from the entire internet.
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Keep the choice yours
You can enjoy flirting and casual dating without sharing intimate images. You can also change your mind about an exchange you previously welcomed. A considerate person will accept that without pressure.
If you are moving from messages to a first meeting, read our guide to planning a first online date. An intimate chat does not create an obligation to meet, have sex or continue the connection.
