Getting dates thanks to Shag is something normal. What is a little bit more out of the ordinary is being stuck in a series of first dates and never reaching a second date.
You need to be aware of something if this is the case: you are the problem here.
The good news is that it is much better that you are the problem than them being the problem. You can’t change anyone’s behaviour on a first date but your own.
What do I need to do to get that second date?
Meeting up for a second date depends on how the first date has gone, that is obvious. So here we will give you some tips to make sure that that first date goes as well as it can.
Choose a good location
Usually a good coffee shop will work well. A public place inspires confidence, but please don’t make it a claustrophobic experience. The place should encourage good conversation. If you have to shout to make yourself heard, it won’t work.
Master the art of conversation
Having good conversations is an art. You have to tell interesting things and listen to what the other person has to say. If you only talk about yourself, you have a problem.
Ask questions about what your date is telling you and mention details he or she has said before. This is how you show interest.
Don’t talk about your mum
Well, for the sake of showing respect to the woman who brought you into this world, you can mention her, briefly.
Don’t talk about your ex
Not even once, unless your date asks you about her. If she does be brief and talk about your ex with respect, even if things ended very badly. This is what mature people do.
And women don’t like men with the Peter Pan syndrome (those that have never grown up).
Don’t turn a date into an interview
I understand that you are sick of having first dates and that you want to get to the point, but if you are doing to ask very direct questions, as if you were offering a job to the person you have in front of you, you’re going to be boring as hell. And you’ll come across as cold and calculating.
Be on time
It might sound silly, but a date is full of little details that are the ones that tip the balance in the end. Punctuality is one of them.
Keep it short
Cutting a date short is wrong and takes away your chances of a second date, but making it last longer than it should does this too. An hour and a half or two hours for your first date with someone is more than enough. And, unless a choir of angels has descended from heaven to bless your love, leaving your date at a fun time will make him or her want to see you again.
Drop a few things, but don’t tell them all. You can say that you have travelled a lot (if true) and leave it at that. Or you can say that you have already started four different companies, without naming their activity.
And so on.
Very important: it is not about making up stories, but about telling things about your life, whilst deliberately omitting information, so that questions are asked.
Questions that will be answered on the second date.
Take care of your appearance
It may seem like a no-brainer, but this is a must. And I don’t mean showering on the day of the date, which you should, but maintaining daily dental hygiene, and taking care to keep your hands and nails clean, among everything else.
A date can be great until the moment she notices you have a mouth full of crooked teeth.
That can’t happen. Full stop.
Don’t strike unless you feel a brutal connection.
Keep your hands off. That’s the first thing. Touching your date too much can make her feel uncomfortable. Some people use a lot of physical contact to communicate, without any sexual intent: holding your hand, touching you to get your attention, leaning on your shoulder as you walk.
If you are one of these people, try to control it.
Be clear about your intentions
Romantic comedies are to love what pornography is to sex: lies. So forget the nonsense that comes out in these films. Nonsense like: she has to call you first, you have to disappear for at least three days if you want her to be really interested and stuff like that. If you liked her and want to see her again, you should tell her at the end of your first date.
Give her something that she’s lacking
Is she stressed about her work? Make her feel relaxed with funny stories full of good humour. If you don’t have a sense of humour, look for positive stories online and tell them.
Has she always wanted to have a dog but never could? Well, coincidentally you love dogs and are thinking of adopting one.
Don’t be overwhelming
Even if the date went very well, don’t overwhelm her by calling or sending WhatsApp messages repeatedly after the date is over. Keep in mind that every message sent is an opportunity to mess up.
How to ask for a second date?
The key here is to use the information she gave you on the first date. If she likes flims, it’s clear: invite her to a good film. If she likes climbing, why not a date at the climbing wall?
It also depends on your intentions and whether you have made them clear on your first date or not.
Otherwise, if you don’t have any hobbies or passions, I advise you not to go on a second date. People with no hobbies get so wrapped up in their partner that it can become overwhelming in the long run.
How do I know if there will be a second date?
If the date went well, she will give you her number, or she will ask you on another date herself. In that case you know there will be a second date.
When it’s not clear, there is no way to know, unless you take the initiative.
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